Lithuanian Booze Tortoise And Several Other Beer Ads That Wouldn't Be Shown In 2023!
Beer adverts from Lithuania were wild back in the day...
Despite its bountiful supply of craft and macro beers, the general booze scene in Lithuania can be somewhat of a strange and land for the Drink Connoisseur because -believe it or not - alcohol is not advertised anywhere. Online or offline.
Pretty strange for a country that the World Health Organisation has ranked as the world's fifth heaviest-drinking nation behind Germany, Moldova, neighbouring Latvia, and Czechia, right?
Well, kind of. The 'Law on Alcohol Control of The Republic of Lithuania' was introduced by the previous government in 2017 when the country was riding at the top of the "world's biggest drinkers" table.
To combat the nation's then-perishing thirst of 18.2-litres of alcohol per-person annually (that's the equivalent of 910, 500ml beers), alcohol advertising bans were implemented, drink could only be purchased at certain times of day, and you wouldn't be allowed to have a beer whilst watching live sports.
Following the election of a new government in 2021, the law still hasn't been changed.
What's more, whether it has been effective is also open to debate and one’s creative interpretation of statistics…
However, Lithuania hasn't always taken this draconian approach to alcohol advertising.
In fact, from the immediate post-Soviet period of the 1990s up-to as recent as 2016, this small Baltic country of just 2.8 million people managed to produce some of the amusing, relatable, and thought-provoking macro beer ads from the region.
Scroll down to give them a watch!
Vėžlys - Lithuanian Beer Delivery Tortoise
The immediate post-Soviet period of the early 1990s was a strange-yet-liberating time for everyone who had - until then - lived under Moscow’s rule for five decades. Lithuania was no exception. Pretty much overnight, the economy had shifted from centralised-to-planned, and citizens who went to sleep in the Soviet Union on December 26, 1991 woke up in a newly-independent country the following day. Unsurprisingly, people developed a thirst from the stress that comes with this level of personal and social transition, and the enterprising folks behind Vėžlys quickly understood this. By dialling 428034, their booze-peddling tortoise would seemingly turn up to your home at any time of day with a brace of relaxing beers and some soft guitar music to take the edge off things. Vėžlys is no more as a business, yet the sheer absurdity of the advert lives on in the hearts of Lithuanian beer connoisseurs who grew up during the ‘90s. If you were wondering, “vėžlys” is Lithuanian for “tortoise”. Surprising that, isn’t it?
Švyturys Ekstra - The One We Can All Associate With
If you’ve subscribed to Those Beer Librarians, then you quite possibly like a drink, and will most likely have been in the following situation: cast your mind to of those more temperate gatherings where beer’s ran out. You can’t do a run to the nearest shop because your lesser-thirsty family members will most likely judge you. Yet still, despite being parched, you power through because you’ve got your eyes on the prize - that prize being that when they leave, you can get stuck into those delicious beers you’ve been stashing as a way to wind down after a day of inane chat. We spent a lot of time watching Lithuanian beer ads, and we feel this one from the mid-2000s by the Švyturys brewery perfectly summarises the aforementioned. Just look at the delight on his little face at 21 seconds when the family begins rowing away - very much a case of #IYKYK.
Utenos Lager - The Secret To Making Estonians Happy
In addition to their shared history, nothing unites Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia like a good bit of ol’ fashioned pisstaking. Here was have three gentlemen from Estonia - arguably the most reserved of the Baltic States in terms of national character - visiting Lithuania’s lake and forest-heavy Utena region during summer. The Estonians are impressed by the area’s natural beauty, but according to the above, it’s the Utenos beer - a drink the local Utenese population are immensely proud of - that really bowls them over. This idea of “beer = happiness” is a nice one. After all, we know that this is the reason why beer was invented by our forefathers in the first place. However, the whole 45-second ad turns out to be a massive lie because Utenos is the ultimate in sink beer. We’ve tried it, so you don’t have to.
Tornado Beer - Lithuanian Wazz Tree
Many years ago across former USSR, it was possible to buy cheap, two-litres bottles of dubious quality and varying strength beer. In Lithuania, these were known as “bambaliniai”. Despite having watched it numerous times, we’re still not 100% sure what happens between our three al-fresco connoisseurs and their bambaliniai of Tornado in the ad above. Given that a tree promptly uproots itself after one of our Three Must Get Beers rinses his kidneys against it during their day out, we can only assume that Tornado was such a powerful and fortifying beer, it had the ability to alter the course of nature. That, or it was hideous.
NOTE: The views in these ads are not endorsed by us at Those Beer Librarians. Neither is relieving yourself against trees or getting tortoises to deliver booze to your home. We simply wanted to show you how some retro booze ads from Lithuania looked until the government banned them.